A Room by Any Other Name

It’s my favorite room in the house, but, I’ve never been comfortable calling it the “bathroom.” I don’t go in there to take a bath. There is no available tub. I shower in there, but I don’t say I’m going in the “shower” room. That sounds like I have a special room in which to throw bridal parties. I wouldn’t even know how to throw a bridal party, let alone have a special room for such extravaganzas. It also sounds like I live in a gym. Which brings to mind another question. Why do people call it the “John” ? Who the hell IS John anyway? And how did he get a room named after him? Especially THAT room? Poor guy! Although, it kinda sounds manly, like you’re hangin’out with the fellas, when you say you’re going to the “John” and then you’re off to the “gym,”, but only if you say it, not if you read it.

I suppose ‘the shitter” may be a remote possibility, but, showering and shaving share the space, so they would have to share the name as well, but, that would be too long and, by the time you told someone where you were going, it could, conceivably be too late.

I take a lot of pills each day, so, the “pharmacy” could work, but, honestly, that sounds just plain idiotic. Besides, if I went in and saw a pharmacist, it would revert right back to the “shitter” very quickly….whether I wanted it to or not.
Some people refer to it as the “throne” room. That’s only one aspect, and it’s not a very regal look.

I get a lot of reading done in there. I have recently finished a book by Dick Cavett, one by George Burns and the story of Clear Channel, a company that brings us right back to the aforementioned “shitter.” There seems to be a pattern here. I have also finished two books of Sunday New York Times crossword puzzles, with 100 puzzles each……in ink. And yet, neither the “library” nor the “amusement” room work very well. That makes it sound like I’m amused by taking pills, shaving, brushing my teeth and all the other things that happen in there, which is only partially true.

The names for the other rooms in the house make sense. You dine in the dining room, live in the living room, go to bed in the bedroom, watch tv in the tv room and the kids usually wreck the rec room.

I don’t normally agonize over what to call a room that serves as a multiple purpose room, but, “multi-purpose” room sounds like you could also build a spice rack in there. Most people keep their tools in the garage, which almost never has enough space for their car because it’s become a “multi-purpose” room.

So, after careful consideration, keeping in mind the things I do and the inordinate amount of time I spend there, I have come to the conclusion that whenever the subject may come up as to where I will be for the next few hours….I will simply tell them “I will be in MY room!”