PATIENCE IS NO VIRTUE (at least not on Google)

When I told my wife that this month’s topic was “Patience,” her response was practically automatic. “Well, that should be pretty easy for YOU - go look in the mirror and write about anything else.” Of course, I immediately took offense and was about to fly off the handle and say something completely ignorant, when I broke character for a moment and actually thought about what she had said. “Maybe she’s got a point,” I heard myself say, totally stunned by the amount of patience it apparently took for me to tackle such arduous tasks as taking a breath and considering a point. Of course, the self-kudos were instantaneous. “Good for me,” I thought, “I’m showing a modicum of patience.” (I believe a modicum is slightly less than a thimble-full) I’ve always wanted results yesterday. When I start a project, I prefer to be done the moment I begin. I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember and the fact that we live in a “fast food world” is no excuse. We didn’t even have a TV until I was about 8 years old. The news was always at least 3 days old by the time it got to us. We listened to the radio for everything. I suppose having to use my imagination for everything kept me too busy to be impatient about anything. I think one incident that really drove home my impatience was while vacuuming recently, I saw something on the wood floor that looked like it might have come from someone’s shoe. After running over it with the vacuum cleaner about a half dozen times, it was still there……so, I bent down and picked it up. Rather than patiently walking over to the trash can to throw it away, I threw it back down on the floor in front of me and vacuumed it up. As ridiculous as that sounds, though, I’d be willing to wager a shiny dime that more than a few of you have done the same thing. There isn’t a lot that I am patient of. When my family is getting ready to go somewhere, for instance, if I am ready to go (and I usually am the first), I begin to pace and mumble. That’s usually when I say, “I’ll be in the car,” in the hope that nobody wants me to not have to wait too long, so they’ll hurry. In my heart of hearts I know how full of crap I am. Nobody cares that I’m impatient. They will be ready when they are ready and, in reality, are probably happier that I’ve taken my impatient ass out of their spaces. Over the years, when waiting for results of any kind, be they test scores, job interviews or medical results - If I don’t have them in what I consider an appropriate amount of time, I will pick up a phone turn into a stalker. It’s kind of ironic because, sometimes the results are not what we want to hear - (sfx of tearing open envelope )- “Finally, the results of the test that shows what job I’m best suited for - hmmmmm - Pest.” Actually, the good news here is that I no longer have to wait, impatiently, for an envelope to arrive in the mail that I have to tear open. I can get the results online in moments. See …..things are already beginning to pick up. Well, I’m starting to lose my patience with this piece and I’m about ready for it to be finished……………….