HURRY UP AND WAIT

I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to understand what it means to get old. Until recently, I didn't even realize that getting old was a “life zone,” for lack of a better term. Not aging, mind you. That's a logical process that just, sorta, comes with the territory. I remember always being dissatisfied with whatever age I happened to be at any given point in my life because I just knew the grass would be greener in that next phase. I always considered my younger brother fortunate because he had the advantage of looking at me and saying, “Hell no. I gotta find some greener grass than THAT!” Each year of our life is spent with the anticipation of being a year older, especially when it is a milestone year. We reach these milestones by simply existing for any given amount of time. Get past the first nine years and you're in..... “double digits.” Three more years and you're........a Teenager. Once you realize that being a teen comes with it's own set of issues, you can't wait to be done with all the awkward nonsense. You know that, eight years into this particular leg of the journey, you'll reach a milestone that gives you a glimpse of what adulthood will be like. You'll be.........18. The age of majority, where you will now have the opportunity to make some of your own decisions. You will be able to serve your country and, in times of war, you may be drafted.......I was. You can now be thrown into the middle of a conflict and, quite possibly, die. Don't try to get a beer, though. For that, you have to reach the next milestone......21. Now, the wait to quench that thirst is finally over and you can freely walk into a bar and feel like an adult. This is where the wait for a more idyllic existence is split into 10 year increments. We are aging as well as getting older but that concept is still too abstract to make a difference. “Gee, I'm 25 but when I look in the mirror and I still see 19. Man, I can't wait 'til 30 so I can feel like a real grownup.” This is a general rule of aging but occasionally rules are meant to be broken. For MY particular segment of the baby boom, part of our generational mantra was, “Never trust anyone over 30.” Once we tuned 30 and began to grow up, we understood that it was time to put down the Daffy Duck doll that I carried in my back pocket and start getting serious about raising a family and doing the things responsible adults do as they age as gracefully as they possibly can. After the trauma of turning thirty wore off, the aging process just “was.” It was understood that there would be a couple of more milestones like hitting the big 5-0 and turning 60, which meant you were now in a decade where it was all supposed to pay off. Words like – retire, pension and Social Security enter our lexicon. And yet, for the most part, I can still remember looking in the mirror and, just like when I was in my 20's, seeing a 19 year old me. I didn't appear that way to anyone else, I'm sure, but, I preferred to keep the image in my minds eye alive and milk it for all it was worth. It's a nice perception and it can keep you young until......one day......out of the blue, aging becomes “getting old.” It just happens. Real fast. You really don't expect it. Things start to hurt and fall and clog and change colors and sizes. Your hair turns gray and your prostate gets bigger than your ego. The wait is over. All that preparation and anxiety has come to this. You are now officially getting old. I don't see 19 in the mirror any more.........I see my grandfather and it's pretty unsettling. The only drugs I do, these days, are prescribed to do things like keep my blood sugar steady, keep my heartbeat steady, keep my blood pressure steady.....you get the idea. All the crap that was caused by years of messing around with all those other drugs. I really can't tell you a whole lot about the experience though. It was the 60's and the 70's and I was there. That's about the only fact that I can accurately remember. Each day, now, I wake up and take stock of what aches and pains are waking up with me. That is how I can gauge the “normal” for the day. Each day is a new “normal” and you adjust accordingly. This is what I've waited my whole life to understand? That Bette Davis was spot on when she said, “Getting old ain't for sissies?” I have to be honest. I'm digging the wisdom that comes with getting old. I miss an awful lot about being younger but most of it is physical. I would give anything to be able to play a game of baseball but, I can't. Although there are a few guys my age that still do things like that, my body will let me know, in no uncertain terms, that I'm not one of them and that I will, if I don't sit down and act my age, most likely break a hip. I've accepted the fact that the list of my contemporaries is getting shorter by the day as is the list of things that I can do without pain and weird noises coming from parts of my body that I didn't know existed. I'm still waiting for a couple of milestones in my life. Turning 70 will be a big one and it's not that far off. They say that 70 is today's 50. No it's not.......it's 70......but we old rock and rollers will not go quietly. My cousin still tours at 75 and that's about the average among the “classic rockers” today. There is, of course, the BIG milestone. The one that we will all reach. As close as it may seem to be getting, I plan on stretching this “wait” as far as I can.