In the past few years, my family has been forced into downsizing mode a couple of times. The first time was 5 years ago when I was “retired” from a job I had been at for 25 years. The second time is right now, as my wife has suffered the same fate, just about a week after her health insurance kicked in. This is not necessarily the worst thing in the world. It allows you to confront all of the “stuff” you’ve accumulated that is just taking up space. Space that you wouldn’t need without all the “stuff.”
If there had to be a slogan for the first decade of the 21st century, it would have to be “Downsize”. We have gotten to a point of overindulgence that has the word coming out of everyone’s mouth. Gas prices too high? Downsize your car. Mortgage rates too steep? Utility bills killin’ ya’? Downsize your home. Can’t get into your jeans? Downsize your meals. Universe becoming to convoluted? Let’s get rid of Pluto. It’s no longer a planet, anyway. We’re even downsizing our solar system.
For years now, we’ve been inundated with “Super” sizing. Want the super gigunda industrial sized Fries with that? We’ve defined ourselves by having bigger and better. My truck is bigger than your truck. My house is bigger than your house. I can eat more from the all-you-can-eat buffet than you can. Which, then, unfortunately leads to : my cholesteral numbers are higher than yours. And, I need more bypass surgeries than you do. We are getting a little better, but, we still need help.
So, here’s my idea for a company that could, conceivably help out and make a buck. We have a tendency to jump on bandwagons and follow trends (which, I suppose is why they are trends in the first place). Since we’ve all got some aspect of our lives that is out of control due to overindulgence, why not set up a service that helps people to moderate. Sort of a consulting firm for the out of control. Someone to consult when we want to buy a car who will steer us away from the Hummers and toward the Priuses. Someone we can consult when it’s mealtime who will push us away from the “all-you-can-eat” buffet and sit us at the “just-what-you-need” table. Someone who realizes that we don’t need 12 bedrooms, 5 fireplaces and two pools for a family of 3. Someone who can help us to downsize from all the super sizing we’ve been doing for the past too many years to count.
There are individuals who help people to cope with some of these problems individually. They are called “Life Coaches” and they come in a wide array of skill levels and areas of expertise. You can find a life coach to help you with your love life, one who will do your budgeting, one to consult about eating habits and one to help you shop. What we need is a one-stop life coach shop that will supply all of the services at once. A place to go for all of your downsizing and getting back into some semblance of shape needs. No longer will having all we want entitle us to way more than we need. What we need will become all we could ever want. Satisfaction guaranteed.
I want to start this agency with about 10 life coaches and I want to build it to a staff of 25 within 6 months. And in the end, my downsizing company will be bigger than your downsizing company. Nya nya nya nya nya nya.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
Monday, August 31, 2009
Hot Dogs
We live in a society of contradictions. Fortunately, these contradictory forces tend to wash each other out. If nothing else, they make the playing field a bit more level. Republicans counter democrats and vice-versa. Oh, sure there are Independents who have trouble being decisive, and, believe me, I know, being one of them, but, for the most part, the two parties counter each other quite nicely.
Our entire government is based on a series of checks and balances so that no one branch of government can get too powerful without being cut back down to size by another. The legislative branch can’t act without the judicial branch which can’t act without the Senate which has to jibe with the House and so on. It’s a good system. It works and tends to keep the government working on an even keel. It’s the grease that ensures that everything rolls along smoothly.
Without bad, there would be no good. Bad guys do bad things. They rob and cheat and steal and terrorize and it’s then up to the good guys to catch them, stop them, turn them into good guys, if possible or put them away so they can no longer prey on the good guys.
These contradictions : good and bad, black and white, truth and lies, serve each other very well. Each one is the reason for the other’s existence and is there to counter it’s opposite and create a more fair and equitable world.
Why is it, then, that the biggest discrepancy happens in a world where you would expect things compliment each other in the truest sense. The world of hot dogs. That’s right. Hot dogs. Hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8. To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, what’s up with that ? In order to have an equal amount of both, you have to buy 4 packs of hot dogs and 5 packs of buns. Then you’ve got 40 hot dogs. Unless your family is enormous in more ways than just numbers, you’ve got a problem. After the first 10 or 12 are gone, the rest is wasted. If you buy one pack of each, you will inevitably have 2 buns left over. What are you going to do with two errant buns ? Is this some form of conspiracy ? Who do we blame for this inequity ? The hot dog folks or the bun people ?
Our government is always looking to form a sub-committee for every little thing, so why not this. Perhaps a summit between the butchers and the bakers to bring things more in line with the rest of the world. Our rallying cry can be “No more left over buns.”
Someone pointed out that hamburger buns also come in packs of 8. Well, you can make 8 hamburgers out of a package of meat. They may be a little thick, but , they’ll fit.
We have to fix this discrepancy and we have to do it soon, before our whole society falls apart. Oh…..and, would you like fries with that ?
THAT’S HOW I FEEL…………………………WHAT CAN I TELL YA’.
Our entire government is based on a series of checks and balances so that no one branch of government can get too powerful without being cut back down to size by another. The legislative branch can’t act without the judicial branch which can’t act without the Senate which has to jibe with the House and so on. It’s a good system. It works and tends to keep the government working on an even keel. It’s the grease that ensures that everything rolls along smoothly.
Without bad, there would be no good. Bad guys do bad things. They rob and cheat and steal and terrorize and it’s then up to the good guys to catch them, stop them, turn them into good guys, if possible or put them away so they can no longer prey on the good guys.
These contradictions : good and bad, black and white, truth and lies, serve each other very well. Each one is the reason for the other’s existence and is there to counter it’s opposite and create a more fair and equitable world.
Why is it, then, that the biggest discrepancy happens in a world where you would expect things compliment each other in the truest sense. The world of hot dogs. That’s right. Hot dogs. Hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8. To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, what’s up with that ? In order to have an equal amount of both, you have to buy 4 packs of hot dogs and 5 packs of buns. Then you’ve got 40 hot dogs. Unless your family is enormous in more ways than just numbers, you’ve got a problem. After the first 10 or 12 are gone, the rest is wasted. If you buy one pack of each, you will inevitably have 2 buns left over. What are you going to do with two errant buns ? Is this some form of conspiracy ? Who do we blame for this inequity ? The hot dog folks or the bun people ?
Our government is always looking to form a sub-committee for every little thing, so why not this. Perhaps a summit between the butchers and the bakers to bring things more in line with the rest of the world. Our rallying cry can be “No more left over buns.”
Someone pointed out that hamburger buns also come in packs of 8. Well, you can make 8 hamburgers out of a package of meat. They may be a little thick, but , they’ll fit.
We have to fix this discrepancy and we have to do it soon, before our whole society falls apart. Oh…..and, would you like fries with that ?
THAT’S HOW I FEEL…………………………WHAT CAN I TELL YA’.
High Def
I recently bought a 32 inch, flat-panel TV. I bought it because my old TV started to get lines all over the picture. I had it for a long time and it’s time had finally come. I always wanted an HD TV so, that’s what I bought. I went home, plugged it in and turned it on. “Nice picture,“ I thought, but where was all this clarity that I’d been promised? I then realized that I had to turn to a special High Def channel, so I did, and there was nothing there. Not quite the quality I thought I’d get for that price. I picked up the phone and called the store back. The picture was just mediocre. Just like my old TV when it didn’t have lines. After he got me to calm down, he explained the obvious. Apparently, you can’t just plug this thing in and get a magnificent, breathtaking adventure. I was informed that I had to have digital cable, which I did, and then subscribe to the High Def. service at an extra cost, which I hadn‘t. I called the cable company who asked me if I had the special digital box needed for high definition. I didn’t. So, I had to get in the car and drive across town to wait in a long line at the cable company to exchange the box for a special digital box with high def. Well, I had just spent the day and too much money shopping for a flat panel HD TV that wasn’t giving me a very good picture and I wanted to watch it.
It was about an hour and a half later that I got home and figured out how to set up the box and the flat panel TV, making sure that the yellow cable wasn’t plugged into the red hole and all the rest of the technical acumen that was involved. And I turned it on. The picture hadn’t changed one iota. I was starting to get discouraged. I called the cable company back. Just to make sure all the wires were in the proper holes. They informed me that I had done everything properly and, as soon as I activated the service, I’ be ready to boogie. They assured me that I had nothing more to do than wait, as they would activate it for me. They had to so they could have a record and charge me more. Finally, done. I sat down, put up my feet and turned on my 32 inch, flat-panel, high-def TV. The picture was incredible.
And after all the time and expense…what I finally saw…was that there was nothing good on.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL……………………..WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
It was about an hour and a half later that I got home and figured out how to set up the box and the flat panel TV, making sure that the yellow cable wasn’t plugged into the red hole and all the rest of the technical acumen that was involved. And I turned it on. The picture hadn’t changed one iota. I was starting to get discouraged. I called the cable company back. Just to make sure all the wires were in the proper holes. They informed me that I had done everything properly and, as soon as I activated the service, I’ be ready to boogie. They assured me that I had nothing more to do than wait, as they would activate it for me. They had to so they could have a record and charge me more. Finally, done. I sat down, put up my feet and turned on my 32 inch, flat-panel, high-def TV. The picture was incredible.
And after all the time and expense…what I finally saw…was that there was nothing good on.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL……………………..WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
Hi Ho Hi Ho
I recently ran across a story in, don’t laugh now, AARP Magazine. I read it for the articles. Oh sure, there are babes in there, if blue hair is your cup of tea. This particular piece was entitled “Presto Change-o” and was described like this : It’s no easy trick to switch careers at 50 plus, but more and more workers are taking the leap and starting over at jobs they love. One of the story’s protagonists was a 56 year old owner of a public relations firm who chucked it all and became an $8 an hour chef who said he’s hoping for a raise after his first evaluation. He went on to say that his only regret was that he didn’t make the change years earlier. He traded his huge paycheck for a dose of happiness in his life.
His story is just one of literally thousands in today’s world where we are living longer with more vitality and more things at our fingertips that we actually want to do.
There are many reasons that people in their 50’s are making what seems to be a drastic step in their lives. Many people are choosing to “drop out” of corporate America and pursue life long dreams, but many, and I speak from experience, are forced into the position.
As I have related my story to people over the past years and a half, I have been flabbergasted to learn that there are many more of “me” out there than I could possibly have imagined. We have a common thread. We have dedicated ourselves to companies and wound up drawing the short straw. We end up either too old or making too much money or, quite frankly, both. Once we get past the initial “pity party”, many of us are finding that the reinvention of ourselves is actually very stimulating and will probably insure that we live longer, if for no other reason than our blood is flowing again.
I was a music radio disc jockey for 40 years with the last 24 years spent in one job, for one company. I always wondered what I would, or could do if and when it all came to an end. And the answer became crystal clear. I had always wanted to do news and commentary and now I’ve been given an opportunity to fulfill that dream while reinventing myself and it’s very exciting. I want to go to work every morning and I come home with a smile on my face every day. A couple of feelings that I had forgotten existed while I was immersed in the tedium of what to some seemed like a very romantic job. It wasn’t. It got old. Thanks to this new career, I won’t.
We in the baby boom generation helped to change the world in the 60’s and 70’s and now that we have reached an age that was once considered over the hill, we are making it crystal clear that we will not go gently. Nor will we go miserably. We are setting the stage for generations to come. We are stepping up to the plate and heading into areas we love. It’s proof positive that if you are doing something you truly love, you’ll never work a day in your life.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL………………………….WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
His story is just one of literally thousands in today’s world where we are living longer with more vitality and more things at our fingertips that we actually want to do.
There are many reasons that people in their 50’s are making what seems to be a drastic step in their lives. Many people are choosing to “drop out” of corporate America and pursue life long dreams, but many, and I speak from experience, are forced into the position.
As I have related my story to people over the past years and a half, I have been flabbergasted to learn that there are many more of “me” out there than I could possibly have imagined. We have a common thread. We have dedicated ourselves to companies and wound up drawing the short straw. We end up either too old or making too much money or, quite frankly, both. Once we get past the initial “pity party”, many of us are finding that the reinvention of ourselves is actually very stimulating and will probably insure that we live longer, if for no other reason than our blood is flowing again.
I was a music radio disc jockey for 40 years with the last 24 years spent in one job, for one company. I always wondered what I would, or could do if and when it all came to an end. And the answer became crystal clear. I had always wanted to do news and commentary and now I’ve been given an opportunity to fulfill that dream while reinventing myself and it’s very exciting. I want to go to work every morning and I come home with a smile on my face every day. A couple of feelings that I had forgotten existed while I was immersed in the tedium of what to some seemed like a very romantic job. It wasn’t. It got old. Thanks to this new career, I won’t.
We in the baby boom generation helped to change the world in the 60’s and 70’s and now that we have reached an age that was once considered over the hill, we are making it crystal clear that we will not go gently. Nor will we go miserably. We are setting the stage for generations to come. We are stepping up to the plate and heading into areas we love. It’s proof positive that if you are doing something you truly love, you’ll never work a day in your life.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL………………………….WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
The Rude Price of Crude
I had to fill my car the other day. I found gas for $2.28 a gallon. That kinda confused me, because earlier in the day I was at the V.A. I go there for medical care because I went to Vietnam. Now they have to take care of me. I noticed gas on that side of town was $2.58 a gallon. Wait a minute, that’s a 20 cent a gallon difference. See why I’m confused? I can’t explain why this is, but there is a pattern. My neighborhood, while far from affluent is certainly an area where you have to be able to afford to live. We have lots of nice people and they come in various sizes, shapes and colors. They work hard and pay their taxes and enjoy their families are happy with the schools and the all around living conditions. Gas is $2.28 a gallon. Geez, that gives us even more to spend on other stuff in the community. The V.A. is in a rather rundown area on “the other” side of town. The homes are small and some are fairly ramshackle. It’s a run down, depressed neighborhood. Most of it’s inhabitants are nice people who come in various sizes, shapes and colors. They too work hard, but it’s usually at two jobs that don’t pay enough to have any money to spend on other stuff in the community and, to add insult to injury, gas is $2.58 a gallon. Damn, there goes dinner…..right down the gas tank. They don’t really care much for their all around living conditions.
I suppose there are any number of sociological debates about the psychology of the downtrodden. One the one hand there is the argument that throughout history people have pulled themselves up by their proverbial bootstraps. That great American Horatio Alger rags to riches lesson. On the other hand there is the valid argument about the cyclicality of poverty and how if you are never taught where your bootstraps are, how can you teach your kids? These are arguments that have gone on, ad nauseum, I suppose as long as someone has had it better than someone else. That’s not why I’m confused. It’s the disparity in the price of gas. Is this really fair. I don’t know who to point an accusing finger at. Certainly not the oil companies. If it can sell gas in one part of town for $2.28 it certainly can go for the same price on the other side of the same town. It must be the individual gas station owners. Shame on them. I have no answers, but I am able to add to the confusion. I came out of work today and I saw gas about a block away for $2.58 a gallon. It’s still $2.28 in my neighborhood. See why I’m still confused. Either the building I work in isn’t in the greatest part of town or gas is $2.58 all over Dallas and the only place it’s $2.28 is in my town. Twilight Zone, Tx.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL…………………………..WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
I suppose there are any number of sociological debates about the psychology of the downtrodden. One the one hand there is the argument that throughout history people have pulled themselves up by their proverbial bootstraps. That great American Horatio Alger rags to riches lesson. On the other hand there is the valid argument about the cyclicality of poverty and how if you are never taught where your bootstraps are, how can you teach your kids? These are arguments that have gone on, ad nauseum, I suppose as long as someone has had it better than someone else. That’s not why I’m confused. It’s the disparity in the price of gas. Is this really fair. I don’t know who to point an accusing finger at. Certainly not the oil companies. If it can sell gas in one part of town for $2.28 it certainly can go for the same price on the other side of the same town. It must be the individual gas station owners. Shame on them. I have no answers, but I am able to add to the confusion. I came out of work today and I saw gas about a block away for $2.58 a gallon. It’s still $2.28 in my neighborhood. See why I’m still confused. Either the building I work in isn’t in the greatest part of town or gas is $2.58 all over Dallas and the only place it’s $2.28 is in my town. Twilight Zone, Tx.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL…………………………..WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
For Their Age
A big night at our house usually involves the rental of two or three videos rather than our usual one. We recently had a big night, albeit a 2 movie big night. There just weren’t three movies that we hadn’t already seen. One of the movies was called “The Sentinal” with Michael Douglas and, essentially, an all star cast. In one scene we found Michael Douglas and Kim Bassinger having a passionate moment that involved them starting the process of undressing each other to lead to that moment of bliss. That’s when my wife commented about how great they both looked for their age and I realized that there was a time when this scene would have been quite a turn on. The reason it wasn’t ? Three words. For their age. Here were two post 50 actors who had been among the sexiest of the sexy trying to rekindle the magic that once lit up the screen. This time, the camera stayed on them for all of 8-10 seconds, when it apparently realized that there were younger and sexier actors in this movie. A camera with a mind of it’s own. I say thank you.
Remember Kathy Bates and Jack Nicholson naked in the hot tub in “About Schmidt ?” Of course you don’t. There was nothing memorable about it. Oh sure, two of our finest actors stripped down in a terrific movie, but it’s not a sight you want stuck in your mind. Remember…..For their age. I guess that makes it OK. Now, if it was Jessica Simpson and Mark Wahlberg naked in a hot tub, it would be indelibly etched in our collective memory, but Kathy Bates is in a chronic state of sag. And Jack Nicholson ? Well, honestly, I didn’t even look. I’m sure he looks great. For his age.
Aesthetically, do we really want to see these scenes ? I’m sure they’re germane to the plotline, but couldn’t they be understood? Or how about using body doubles. I’m sure a good make-up artist could turn Jessica Simpson into the spitting image of Kathy Bates. Honestly, who’d be looking at her face anyway .
We are obsessed with youth and I see no problem with that. After watching all of these actors trying to recapture, I came to the conclusion that, in some respects, youth is not only not wasted on but belongs to the young. When we get to that age range where a man’s prostate gets bigger than his ego and a woman starts to droop, there just isn’t enough plastic surgery in the world that will make us look young and desirable. It always looks as if there was “too much work” done. Nothing natural about it. Leave the love scenes to the kids. We older folks will use our wits and our wisdom, although, it sure didn’t work in “The Sentinal.” Shortly after the alleged love scene, I turned the movie off. I guess it was just a bit too convoluted for a guy my age.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL. WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
Remember Kathy Bates and Jack Nicholson naked in the hot tub in “About Schmidt ?” Of course you don’t. There was nothing memorable about it. Oh sure, two of our finest actors stripped down in a terrific movie, but it’s not a sight you want stuck in your mind. Remember…..For their age. I guess that makes it OK. Now, if it was Jessica Simpson and Mark Wahlberg naked in a hot tub, it would be indelibly etched in our collective memory, but Kathy Bates is in a chronic state of sag. And Jack Nicholson ? Well, honestly, I didn’t even look. I’m sure he looks great. For his age.
Aesthetically, do we really want to see these scenes ? I’m sure they’re germane to the plotline, but couldn’t they be understood? Or how about using body doubles. I’m sure a good make-up artist could turn Jessica Simpson into the spitting image of Kathy Bates. Honestly, who’d be looking at her face anyway .
We are obsessed with youth and I see no problem with that. After watching all of these actors trying to recapture, I came to the conclusion that, in some respects, youth is not only not wasted on but belongs to the young. When we get to that age range where a man’s prostate gets bigger than his ego and a woman starts to droop, there just isn’t enough plastic surgery in the world that will make us look young and desirable. It always looks as if there was “too much work” done. Nothing natural about it. Leave the love scenes to the kids. We older folks will use our wits and our wisdom, although, it sure didn’t work in “The Sentinal.” Shortly after the alleged love scene, I turned the movie off. I guess it was just a bit too convoluted for a guy my age.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL. WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
Diapers? Depends!
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust is kind of misleading. If you think about it, the true cycle of life is diapers to diapers. When you’re wearing them for the last time, you’re probably about as aware as you were when you wore them the first time. The act of living our life is what happens in between. As babies, ideally, our every need is tended to. Hungry, you get fed. Dirty, you are cleaned. Lonely, you are hugged. Your mind is developing and you are learning with every waking moment. And brain cells are growing and processing the data in your every sleeping moment. In many cases, old age, is where life takes a vicious turn and begins to do an about face. In your every waking and sleeping moment, brain cells are dying and the information is lost. On the other hand, and maybe this ain’t so bad, if you’re hungry, you get fed. Dirty, you are cleaned. Lonely, you are hugged.
Now, in all fairness, this is a gross generalization for just a small percentage of the aging population. Most folk get through this life without having to suffer the ravages of mental deterioration, but, conditions like Alzheimers are becoming almost epidemic. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn’t been touched in one way or another by this dreaded malady. And you just never know if you’ll end up there. That’s why you have to concentrate your efforts on living your most productive years to the fullest. We live in a society that uses age as a series of parameters. A good deal of genius and ability is overlooked because someone is deemed to young, Many opportunities are thrown out when people are forced out of the work place because they are deemed too old. It’s about time we stop deeming and start utilizing our resources. It’s getting a little better as many companies now understand the value of using older workers. They are getting expertise, wisdom and a work ethic not found in the less experienced. It’s a great investment. A concept that’s still lost on far too many.
It’s not just societal, though. In quite a few cases, it’s all about limitations. And from the time we first graduate from diapers to the time we find ourselves once again searching for that self adhesive strip to keep them on, we got a lot of living to do. We need to give it everything we’ve got, as I was reminded just yesterday, when I got the news of the death of a friend from high school. We sometimes don’t quite make it to the second age of diapers. Be creative, be productive, and most important of all, be happy.
From the time we learn how to pee on our own to the time we forget how, we achieve about all we’re going to. The irony is that, sometimes, when your mind is ready to boogie, your body needs to foxtrot. The ashes and the dust are merely commentary.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL…………………………….WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
Now, in all fairness, this is a gross generalization for just a small percentage of the aging population. Most folk get through this life without having to suffer the ravages of mental deterioration, but, conditions like Alzheimers are becoming almost epidemic. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn’t been touched in one way or another by this dreaded malady. And you just never know if you’ll end up there. That’s why you have to concentrate your efforts on living your most productive years to the fullest. We live in a society that uses age as a series of parameters. A good deal of genius and ability is overlooked because someone is deemed to young, Many opportunities are thrown out when people are forced out of the work place because they are deemed too old. It’s about time we stop deeming and start utilizing our resources. It’s getting a little better as many companies now understand the value of using older workers. They are getting expertise, wisdom and a work ethic not found in the less experienced. It’s a great investment. A concept that’s still lost on far too many.
It’s not just societal, though. In quite a few cases, it’s all about limitations. And from the time we first graduate from diapers to the time we find ourselves once again searching for that self adhesive strip to keep them on, we got a lot of living to do. We need to give it everything we’ve got, as I was reminded just yesterday, when I got the news of the death of a friend from high school. We sometimes don’t quite make it to the second age of diapers. Be creative, be productive, and most important of all, be happy.
From the time we learn how to pee on our own to the time we forget how, we achieve about all we’re going to. The irony is that, sometimes, when your mind is ready to boogie, your body needs to foxtrot. The ashes and the dust are merely commentary.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL…………………………….WHAT CAN I TELL YA’
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