Letting Go

I have 5 kids. Four daughters and one knucklehead, right smack, dab in the middle.

My goal has been, with each and every one, to instill a system of morals, ethics and values that would see them into adulthood with the least amount of anxiety and hassle amidst what has to be, these days, peer pressure like has never been felt. These days, someone can kick your ass by text or make you look like a fool online. Technology makes it tough, but, with the right foundation, it all works out…….most of the time.

The girls have been relatively easy, so far, and, although there will always be a connection, opening the door and “shooing” them out has been, for the most part, painless. The oldest got married, became a doctor and likes to help people and surf. The next one spent time as an EMT, saving peoples lives, until she got married to a great guy and gave me two amazing grand daughters. The third one recently got her masters degree in psychology from SMU and is doing her internship with the goal of helping people with eating disorders and addictions. The fourth, and final, daughter is immersed in high school study and intense music, thriving as she avoids as much teen drama as is humanly possible.

Then there is our good friend - the knucklehead!

The phone call came on an early April evening just about 5 years ago. We were undoubtedly watching “Jeopardy” and I was most likely getting ready for sleep, knowing I had to get up at about 3:30 for work. I could see the look of pure shock on my wife’s face as she covered her mouth with her hand for a brief second and began to weep. “What do you mean he’s been shot,” she asked in disbelief. The voice on the other end of the phone said she was with the hospital in North Carolina and had no idea what the circumstances were, but, that we had better get there as soon as we could. Clueless as to what was happening we found that the soonest flight to Raleigh was the next morning, so we booked it and spent a sleepless night pacing and pondering what could possibly have happened.

We sat silent on the plane, holding each other and hoping that our son was still alive.

The taxi took us right from the airport to the hospital as we held back tears, still without an inkling of who may have done this to him.

We told the receptionist who we were and were told to have a seat. I saw a local newspaper on a nearby chair and picked it up and immediately saw the article that made me feel like I had just gotten kicked in what was left of my heart. The headline read - “Man Shot During Home Invasion.” As I read on, I learned that two young men in ski masks had invaded a couples home and, that one of the men had a gun and fired several times hitting the home owner and the other bad guy. They said the two were in custody. I read my son’s name. My wife fell to the floor in horror and disbelief. They brought us in to see our son, who was under police guard, as he was under arrest. We went in and, as if to add even more insult to injury, found him in a coma. We held his hands. My wife cried and prayed. And, then we did the only thing they would allow us to do - we left.

My son eventually improved and went on trial. He was given 7 to 10 years without parole. That was fairly lenient since he was a first time offender. His past had been relatively stellar, but, this shows clearly that even a middle class upbringing and an education in private schools don’t make one immune from making stupid decisions.

The homeowner, by the way, recovered from the gunshot. I don’t know what happened to the 15 year old who did the shooting. My son is in the last 2 year and a half of his sentence and is learning some very hard core and valuable lessons.

Letting go - in this case - was nearly mandated by the specter of death that hung over his bed in the hospital that day. We have made sure, however, that the connection remains as strong as ever. It’s giving him hope while in prison and will give him the support he’ll need to prosper when he comes home.
As much as you want to get them out of the house…..you can never REALLY let go!