TAKE IT OFF – OR DON'T

Nudity! Have I got your attention? I bring this up because, not long ago, my wife's nephew visited us in South Florida with the express intention of borrowing our car to go to Haulover Beach. I had never heard of Haulover Beach. I had no clue what this was. When I want to go to the beach, either by myself or with my family, I head to Hollywood Beach. It's unpretentious, family oriented, relatively quiet and is loaded with restaurants and shops. It's....the beach. I am aware of South Beach, where the “beautiful” and young people go to show themselves off and look at the other gorgeous folk, but, Haulover Beach? I decided to do a little research and see just what this was and whether I should hop in the car and go with him. After all, I love the beach and, if this was such a special one, I might want to check it out. As I began reading, one particular sentence struck me – “It's the only official, legal, nude beach in the state of Florida.” I am no prude. I have even been to a nude beach, although, I didn't participate – I preferred the role of spectator, and I wasn't, at all, thrilled at what I saw. It was on the island of Saint Martaan and I was there, between marriages, with a girlfriend. The island, itself, is wonderful. It has a Dutch side and a French side. The Dutch side is very touristy with hotels, casinos, shops and the like. The French side, on the other had, is very quaint with small villages, roadside native restaurants and.....a nude beach. The woman I was with was much more adventurous than I and insisted that, since we were on the French side and the beach was a very short distance away, we go. I was leery and relatively excited and curious at the same time. We took a cab to the beach and stepped onto the sand. She immediately shed her clothing and, since it was actually a clothing OPTIONAL beach, handed them to me as I had already made the decision to exercise my option and wear a bathing suit. I took her clothes and held them, very strategically, in front of me. Just in case. As it turned out, that wasn't really necessary. We walked the beach and I began to look around. People were playing in the water, playing beach volleyball, napping in the sun, reading and chatting with each other. All typical beach behavior with one notable exception. Everybody was nude. We didn't stay very long. The novelty wore off very quickly. My “take-away” from the experience was that I now realized why clothing was invented. There wasn't one, single person on that beach who should have been naked. Not one person that made either of us do a double-take and say “oooh” or “wow.” All we could come up with was “geez” and “yecchh.” My conclusion from the experience was that I will never go to a nude or clothing optional beach again and neither should anybody else, unless they are armed with a very big air brush.