FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD

Remember the last time you opened the fridge only to find something on the back of the shelf that was “some shade of green?” The experience begs a couple of questions: Can you identify it? Oh, it doesn't have to be a very accurate identification, ball park estimate is OK. Can you imagine ever being so hungry that you might be tempted to get past the smell and the appearance and go right for whatever nutrition value might be left? A small addendum to that question could be – Is there enough money in the world to even attempt to find that left over nutrition? You know the stuff – cheese that starts out yellow, but, inevitably ends up green. Milk that smells like it was bottled in a sulfer mine. A sandwich that looks like a small community has taken up residence on it's once doughy surface and, of course, that mystery meat that you are sure started out breathing, but, has now taken on a life of it's own. The thought was prompted by a story I read about a Utah man who was cleaning out his closet and found a bulge in the pocket of one of his coats. When he reached in, which in itself may not have been the wisest thing to do, he found, of all things, a hamburger. A hamburger that was bought in 1999 for 79 cents. I'm sure his first thought must have been, “Hey is that a hamburger in my pocket, or am I just really happy to see the coat again?” It was mummified and, by the looks of it, far more appetizing than much of what comes off fast food grilles these days. It had dried to the point that no self respecting bacterium could live in it. Initially, for kicks, he put it on e-bay where the price got up to around $2,000. He didn't sell it. Then a radio station contacted the guy and offered him $5,000 so that one of their interns could microwave it and eat it at some station promotion – hopefully, the opening of a new stomach pumping clinic or something along those lines. He declined all offers and has put the burger in a tin that he keeps on his kitchen counter, although, at those prices he may want to consider a bank vault. I haven't cleaned out my fridge for quite some time. It appears I'm long over due. I'm relatively sure that what I have been assuming was spinach is something far more adventurous. I'm going to get on this right away. Not because I'm necessarily hungry, but, because this story taught me that out there in the ether world of e-bay, there are people who will buy, pretty much, anything and I'd like to replace the spinach with some nice, cool cabbage! THAT'S HOW I FEEL.........WHAT CAN I TELL YA'