FOLLOW ME NOWHERE

A word to the wise should suffice – If you ever find yourself lost, do not look to me to be your “north star.” When I walk out of a store, I generally can't find my car. I have no sense of direction whatsoever and often find myself sobbing in frustration because I can't find my way from where I am to where I want to be. It's a good thing I wasn't Moses. The Children of Israel could well have become known as the Children of Idaho. If you tell me to go two blocks and turn “east,” I could very easily wind up driving into the sea. I think this was why I found it so amusing when, while driving a well rehearsed and memorized route, I got diverted by an accident in an intersection that was key to my getting home. I was directed to take the street to the left as a detour. How hard could it be? Logic told me that I would take the left, go to my first right, turn, find the next right and be back to my original street. Unfortunately, logic doesn't always prevail. I took the left and went straight. There was no right turn and I ended up at a dead end. As I made a u-turn to find a right turn (which would have been a left if I was still going the other way), I couldn't help but notice that there was now a line of traffic following me. “Boy, are THEY screwed,” I thought, as I took the right that used to be a left and found myself even more confused. Now, what? As I drove, I saw a street on the left and a street on the right. Which one should I take? Logic hadn't worked before, what made me think it would possibly be of any help now? I turned right and so did the caravan that I had amassed while lost in a very lovely neighborhood with a whole bunch of winding streets that seemed to go nowhere and now had a parade, of sorts, going through it. I almost wanted to get out and join the spectators. It took about 15 minutes to find my way out of the maze and back to the road that I knew would take me home. As I made it to the light, I saw the guy in the car behind me, shaking his fist. My mind heard Moe, of the Three Stooges, saying “Why you....” but, I'm certain he was a bit saltier. I wondered how many of the others felt the same way. I never told them to follow me. I made the turn back to the street I knew, praying that there would be no other little glitches that could get me lost before I made it home. Thank goodness there weren't. It could have made for a very tense three minutes. THAT'S HOW I FEEL....................................................WHAT CAN I TELL YA'