CYBER BULLIES

One of the saddest news stories I've heard in a long time is the tragic tale of the 14 year old girl who committed suicide after being constantly bullied by two other girls on line. I was sort of a skinny, runty little kid. I had my small group of friends, but, being my size, not to mention ethnically different from the other kids in my school, I got picked on and, yes, occasionally bullied. One of my most vivid memories is of playing in a tree in the schoolyard as a bunch of kids threw rocks and apples at me because they didn't want us living in “their neighborhood.” I think Eric E. Rofes put it best in his critical essay “Making our Schools Safe for Sissies” when he wrote, "When I was a young boy, the bully called me names, stole my bicycle, forced me off the playground. He made fun of me in front of other children, forced me to turn over my lunch money each day, threatened to give me a black eye. At different times I was subject to a wide range of degradation and abuse -- de-pantsing, spit in my face, forced to eat the playground dirt....To this day, their handprints, like a slap on the face, remain stark and defined on my soul." This particular article was addressing growing up gay or lesbian, but anyone who grew up different or just plain small in stature can relate. I suppose there are any number of reasons bullies can find to justify their actions. They feel scared, they were bullied themselves, they have a need to feel power. All very poor reasoning when you are the one being bullied. OK, so the big guy is scared, that's no reason for him to push, kick and smack me. Bullies have always been the bane of playgrounds everywhere, but, there was always refuge. You could run home, stay in the classroom in the guise of helping the teacher clean erasers, stay home sick from school or just plain flee into any woods you might find nearby. As a rule, bullies are bigger and, I don't know about you, but the one thing I was, besides small, was fast. I could make a quick getaway with the best of them. Here is where the problem arises in today's world. Bullies can now get their kicks, less literally, yet possibly more powerfully on the internet. The Internet provides the perfect forum for cyber bullies. These are people whose aim is to get gratification from provoking and tormenting others. The anonymity, ease of provocation, and almost infinite source of targets means the Internet is full of serial bullies targeting ... anybody. Cyber bullies get a perverse sense of gratification from sending people flame mail and hate mail. Flame mail is an email whose contents are designed to inflame and enrage. Hate mail is just plain hatred including prejudice, racism, sexism or even skinnyism, in an email. And, to complicate matters even further, we have text messaging. A bully can be relentless with the touch of a few keys. You may never even know who they are. When my kids were growing up, it was easier to teach them to deal with bullies. I made sure they knew to walk away from these clowns. Or run or talk their way out of the situation. I also made sure they were well versed enough in a number of self-defense methods that, in the worst case scenario, they could hurt their tormentor and, perhaps, insure that they would, from that moment on, be left alone. Years ago, my oldest daughter was at the same party as an ex boyfriend who refused to leave her alone. The more relentless he got, the more determined she was to get get him out of her face. He didn't go away, so, she broke his nose. Now, with all of the latest technology, it's almost back to square one. All the boxing and Tai Kwon Do in the world is helpless against a text message. I guess rather than teaching my kids how to break someone's nose, I'll have to show them how to break their phone.