WE ARE WHAT WE WEAR

What's the single best “word of advice” anyone's ever given you? For me, the word was “accessorize.” I've always been a huge fan of accessories. Hats, watches and glasses seem to be what “float my boat,” certainly more so than the rest of the outfit. It's been like that for as long as I can remember although, I've been told that, as a very small child, I was intimidated and frightened by hats. At least that was what my mother assumed when she was in a bank, holding a very young me, when her friend Richard walked in and he was wearing very nice fedora. I, reportedly, went berserk at the sight and started to pitch a proverbial “wang dang doodle” until he went outside and waited for us to leave. Yes, I was that obnoxious. I never really understood why I would do that since hats are one of my favorite things in the world. I have dozens of types of headgear from the aforementioned fedoras to Kangols to baseball caps to berets and beyond and I don't ever recall not wanting to wear one. After a long conversation with my mom, we were finally able reach a conclusion as to why seeing Richard walk in the bank and approach her had that particular effect on the sheltered infant she was trying to control. It had nothing to do with his hat. I would have gladly put it on my own head had it been offered. The truth was - Richard was Black. He was first person I had seen, by the ripe old age of 9 or 10 months that looked different from my immediate family, who were the only people I had been exposed to by this point in my young life. Hell, my dad wore a hat, you'd think my mom would have thought of that but, I'm relatively certain she didn't want to embarrass Richard so, she said I was afraid of his hat. The irony here being that Richard had nothing to be embarrassed about......my mom did. I was being just that obnoxious. Or so I have been told. But, I certainly loved his hat. Watches fall into the same category as hats for me. They are cool and necessary to make me feel complete. I have lots of watches. Two of them actually work but, I just can't see fit to part with any of them. I have 2 boxes of watches that are taking up space in a drawer in my closet. One of the watches is a Gruen from the 1940's that belonged to my grandfather. No, it doesn't work. I suppose I could toss them all and use the space for other stuff. Like all of the glasses I have kept whenever I got a new pair. Of course, the prescriptions are all outdated and I can't see through any of them. It's just that, at one time or another in my life, I have found them extremely cool and refuse to part with any “stuff” that I have had a relationship with over the years. By the same token, I still have a report card from my junior year of high school. Judging from the grades, I have, apparently, kept it to use as an example to my kids of what NOT to do. As for glasses.......I need them to see close-up and I need them to see far away and, if I have to wear them, I want them to look fashionable. The problem is that I'm pretty fickle and tend to change my “cool margins” when the spirit hits. I can only get glasses twice a year because I get them through the VA and I always pick a pair of frames I like........while I'm in the store. By the time I pick up the finished product, usually a couple of weeks later, I have found a style I like better and am disappointed that I have to wait 6 months to go through the process again. Am I never satisfied? I don't think there has ever been a time in my life when I wasn't all googly eyed and fascinated by a well designed hat, a slick watch or a snazzy pair of glasses. I always felt that if I was wearing a spiffy fedora, a Rolex and a really nice pair of horn-rimmed frames, I didn't need anything else – like pants or shoes or underwear. “Who's gonna notice?” I would assume, “They'll all be too busy being blinded by the glow of my accessories.” I can hear the conversation now as people pass me in the street: “Wow, check out that great hat, what is that? A Stetson?” “I don't know about the hat but, what a beautiful watch. Is that a Patek Phillipe?” “Do you realize that this guy isn't wearing any pants?” “Who cares.....that's a GREAT pair of glasses......must be Ray Bans.” Accessories are the “Be All and End All” as far as I'm concerned. I do, however, have a bit of an issue when it comes to what I am accessorizing. I own 2 pair of jeans, 4 pair of shorts, 3 pair of Sanuks (shoes), about 7 or 8 t-shirts, a couple of shirts with collars and not a single pair of socks. I am about to go out to shop. I will put on a pair of shorts that I've been wearing for a week and a half, a t-shirt that's wrinkled but clean and the pair of hemp Sanuks that I wear everywhere. That will take about 2 minutes. I will then find the watch that goes with my black framed glasses and spend about 20 minutes trying on hats. All this because the hat store at the mall has a buy 1 - get 1 half price sale on a style of hat that I already have 4 of.........but, I need a blue one!